Being reliable means you can be trusted because you do what you say you will do.
In contrast, being unreliable means we do not do what we say we are going to do.
We are not dependable.
We are not trustworthy.
As I think about my own “reliability”, I find I am very reliable to others. I don’t miss a deadline. I follow the rules. I do what is asked. I don’t miss or cancel appointments. I should up right on time. Others know they can depend on me.
When I give my word to others, I do it. No. Matter. What.
But when it comes to being reliable to me, that has been a different story.
In the past, I would say I am going to the gym. But then not go.
I’d tell myself I will do this or that for me, but not predictably follow through. I discovered I was not reliable to myself.
I remember feeling that way with my drinking. I would tell myself that I will only have 1 glass of wine. Then proceed to drink the whole bottle. Rinse and repeat day after day.
It didn’t really matter what I told myself because I didn’t follow through.
I was unreliable. I didn’t trust myself.
Untrustworthy to myself.
I internalized this untrustworthiness to mean I was unworthy.
It affected my self-esteem and my confidence.
You can learn to be reliable. It is a skill.
It’s a skill I teach my clients with their drinking by using a drink plan.
They determine how much they want to drink and follow it.
The brain thinks it likes the freedom to choose in the moment. Yes, it does if it has been programmed that way. If that is the pattern it has been taught it.
But the brain learns new things and skills all the time.
And the brain prefers certainty. Not fleeting or weak commitments.
We don’t feel good not being certain we can honor our word and commitments to ourself.
Not honoring our word means we live out of alignment of who we are and who we want to be.
Being unreliable leads to misery.
Maybe you are reliable with going to the gym or in what you eat or in keeping a clean house or some other area of your life.
It can be learned when it comes to your drinking.
And nothing feels better than honoring your word to yourself.
You end the misery associated with your drinking.
And trust yourself again.